


The Only Way Out Is Through

by RenNico



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Uchiha Sasuke, Childbirth, Coming of Age, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Pregnancy, Reconciliation, Regret, Sakura does not take shit, They are both BAMFs, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22857592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenNico/pseuds/RenNico
Summary: Time flies, seasons change, but everything will come back around.The lone Uchiha is once again reminded of his duty to himself and to his clan. Ready and mature enough to start the restoration process, he looks to a girl of the past who has blossomed into a woman, with an outlook on life that resembles very little of her past self.Here’s to the long hard road Sasuke will be travelling to pick up and put together the pieces of a puzzle that Sakura is no longer interested in playing with.AKAThe SasuSaku fanfiction where Sasuke's repentance and yearning for Sakura, and Sakura's growth from fettered and childish love are ACTUALLY important parts of their reconciliation process.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 60
Kudos: 115





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Please read END NOTES!

In life we will revisit many fears, only to realize that they were never to be fears at all.

* * *

He arrives on time but doesn’t knock. Outside, he takes a slow and steady breath before he makes any move towards the door. Held in his left hand, an intricately woven basket with six tomatoes that he grew in his garden. He chose his six best.

She tells him to come in, his presence sensed at the door. He looks at the basket before his hand is steady on the handle, turning the nob and entering. When he enters, he is greeted with a pleasantly smiling Sakura, hair loose and tucked slightly behind her ears. It has grown a bit since he last saw her.

“It’s good to see you” she remarks positively. Moving to close the door behind him, “You can take your shoes off if you wish” Sakura says, ushering him to place them next to the door.

“I’m glad you had no trouble finding the house.”

 _‘I know where you live-‘_ is what he’d like to say, but he simply nods. “It was no trouble.”

For being here on first occasion, Sakura’s house gives a strange familiarity. . He assumes that this is due to her somewhat consistent presence in his life, but that is it and he is aware that there should be more. She smiles lightly at him and looks down at the basket in his hands.

“For me I assume”

“They’re freshly picked.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

As if by command, he gives it to her, and she puts it on the counter.

“I figured we could talk in the living room, follow me.”

Neat, cleaned and put together, the living room awaits them, filled with the smell of nutmeg and cinnamon. She has just finished setting out tea, and ushers him there where they sit opposite each other in two single couches, separated by a wooden table. On it, the lone tea still steaming, and Sakura gestures for him to get comfortable, sitting back against her seat.

Staring at the mug, Sasuke hesitates to take it by the handle. He isn’t fond of the smell, but he doesn’t want her efforts to appear wasted. “Thank you, but I’m alright.”

“No worries. This one is mine. I figured you wouldn’t want any.”

A bit of interest peaks from him at that, it was very uncommon for villagers not to be extensive with their hospitality, and in some instances, it could be seemingly discourteous. He has no business feeling offence, however. Sakura knew him not to accept refreshments so easily, and that coupled with any possible exhaustion she was experiencing when he came to see her being a med-nin and all, he can’t find it within himself to truly be upset. He watches her as she takes a careful sip of her tea, inhaling the aroma and allowing the steam to condense on her face, in a state on contentment. Humming lightly, she sets it down and her eyes fall on his face. As usual, Sakura’s eyes are bright and unassuming…

______

_He can’t recall how many months he has stayed away from the village, be it for personal reasons, missions, (Kaguya is still out there, he claims, the phantom wisps of her chakra brushing his skin as he walks from border to border), but he can remember how many times he has encountered Sakura. And each time, greater than the last, Sakura’s eyes latched on to his skin. As if waiting for him to say (what she wants)._

_They are eager, anxious, patient, impatient, sad, excited, joyful, they are…_

_In denial._

_________

…but behind all of this, they hold focus and they build portraits of the people she looks upon. They are different from before.

He wonders if there must be nothing for display on him, because she is done processing information. He has never been an easy man to read.

______

_As if waiting for him to say (what she wants)…_

_But not what I want..._

________

He clears his throat. “So,”

“Yes…”

The two sit in each other’s space, Sakura waiting for what seems to take forever for him to say. But he stares back at her as if bating a response that would remove the spirit of discomfort that sits next to him, making him feel as if this is just another place, just another setting. He looks to the hair growing down her shoulders and wonders briefly _when_ has difficulty talking to Sakura been bred out of caution?

When has it been because of anything other than indifference or blatant avoidance.

And what has it become now? What emotion has taken reigns, what is he feeling?

Hesitancy. Perhaps.

_It is fea-…_

“Tsk-…”

“Sasuke?-

“About my request. Have you thought it over?”

Sakura’s head raises slightly.

“I have finished thinking about your request. For what you’ve asked, is that all that you require?”

Her eye contact doesn’t break, but her words appear softer, as if beckoning relief.

“….yes”

“I accept your request. I will help you to rebuild your clan by carrying your children. But I do wish to make some things clear, and also to put forward my personal requirements if I may.”

The relief is evident in his slowly relaxing shoulders, but he still waits with bated breath. It is clear that she has had experience with negotiation, being one of the heads of the hospital it is to be expected. But he needs to make it clear that so has he. Nodding, he allows her to continue.

“Go on.”

“Very well, I will raise the maximum of 3 of your offspring but, should anything go wrong with one of those children, for precautionary measures, the most will be 4. During my pregnancy, I wish to raise them in my private grounds. I will not require a personal nurse or assistant, but whenever I make contact with you, you must respond as it mostly will be of great importance. Likewise, you will contact me prior to any meeting you wish to have with me so that we can meet in an area that does not intervene with any of our spaces or privacy. If it be your desire, you can come to my appointments with the doctor and be with me in labour, but after this, I’d like to be back on my own, raising the children. I will like to keep them until they are 3 years old and during this time, should you want to visit, you can do so at anytime. Once again however, we can meet at a decided location. After they have reached three years of age, they will be intrusted solely to you and that will be the end of the arrangement. This is all I will require. Do you have any questions?”

It will never show on his face. He has been masking his emotions since he was 7. But he has no doubt, unwanted to him, that in his eyes, everything is on display. Sasuke does not speak, but he is staring at her as if she has suddenly changed the colour of her hair. she remains unmoved, but in her compassion, it is as though she is giving him time to process this.

He has one question.

“……Why this way?”

She pauses very briefly but it isn’t to think. Sakura, it seems, has already thought through all that she had to say.

“Taking all things into consideration, this is, to me, the most effective and least time-consuming way for the both of us, you especially, considering your extensive missions and prolonged time away from the village.”

“I would have taken the time out to do this, you’re aware?” he clarifies.

“Well, luckily now you don’t have to with this new method.” She says thoughtfully.

“And just how do you know I wouldn’t have a problem with this method?” his voice is chipped.

“That’s why I asked for questions.”

**_What is going on?_ **

She takes a sip of the tea that was left for him and he remains staring at her, discombobulated. She realises perhaps he needs a prompt.

“Did you have a particular or alternative method in mind?”

He can’t say it. He can’t say it. _She_ was supposed to. She was supposed to be the one to bring it up. So, he dances around it.

“…….What happens if you don’t get through to me?”

“Then I have measures implemented for that.”

“And if I, you?”

There is a smile on her face as if she knows how silly his question is. Nothing will ever be off his radar.

“Then I’m even more positive that you have measures implemented for that. Those eyes of yours are rumoured and proven to see everything.”

He notices the ease in which every response dances off of her lips.

It appears that he has _severely_ miscalculated. Sakura, just like him he realises, has no time for technicalities. And even though this foreign mechanical is what objectively works best, Sasuke tells himself, he has already made room for her subjective female fantasies of what childbearing and rearing will be like, therefore that would’ve been the already assumed demand in the end result. He has to say something to put a hole in this suggestion. But truly he has no definite answer, so he interrogates her.

“Do you not wish to see them after they have reached 3?”

“That is entirely up to you.”

“Do you?”

The back and fourth is about to begin, pacing.

“I am their mother, but what you decide-

“ **Sakura**.” His tone is stern.

Her eyes shift to him briefly, before looking down to her knees, pondering..

“….It would be healthier for them. Yes I could.”

_But would you_

There is a look on her face as if to say, she is truly open to the idea of seeing her children after that period, after somewhat disallowing herself the right.

But at least she is honest.

Hasn’t she always been?

“Alright then”

“Thank you.” She says, and he almost becomes more irritated.

“Well, we can make that addition to your …’list of conditions’’ He exhales, rolling his finger tips smoothly against his temples.

This is utter madness he thinks.

“Alright, though I don’t know why you refer to it in that sarcastic manner. Are there anymore questions? I think we covered the majority of it.” As she stands to begin escorting him out, he stands too, seemingly taking his cue. But before then, he needs to know one last thing.

“When can we start?”

The elephant enters the room……

…but Sakura has trained mammoths.

“That depends on the method you want to use.”

“Excuse me”

“If we are using artificial insemination then we will need to-

“I believe I will be using the regular method of getting children.”

“Okay, but if you want to explore other options just in case you don’t want-

“They will come out just fine, nothing is wrong with either of us. I believe you know that.”

She is silent. If trying to get him out of the house was her main goal then she had succeeded quicker than she’d like. Because at this point, Sasuke was beginning to find this conversation to be unbelievably and frankly unbearable.

Staring directly back at her with a look that offered no invitation to flippancy, he repeats his question.

“When can we start.”

“Have you been tested?”

“Sakura-

“Have you been tested for any sexually contracted diseases or infections-

“You think I would come to you without doing so? Yes…” Sasuke is at his limit.

“And?”

“I’m healthy.”

She knows from the look in his eyes that he is not lying to her.

“…I can create the written contract and after that is signed by the both of us, and after a grace period of 24 hours we can begin discussing other details. I also want you to bring proof of your testing and recent medicals.”

“…Alright”

“I will let you know when the contract is finished.”

He spares one last glance before walking to the door. Caught between a rock and a hard place, there is a tug at him to leave immediately, but then another to stay and….he doesn’t know…

Perhaps talk?

She has been his teammate since academy days. What has she become to him now, and what relationship does that warrant between them now? Safe to say his thoughts are disoriented and this meeting’s outcome proved to be unprecedented. But he doesn’t want to leave with any tension in the air, he knows how he wanted to end this, he can somewhat still do that. Sasuke stiffens, forces himself to look into her eyes a final time.

“I just want to say, thank you for doing this.”

It was supposed to come with a hug, he doesn’t know. Maybe a kiss on the cheek to make her feel better and light up her day, he’s not sure.

The Sakura before him who smiles and _bows_ slightly, has just unwired this neatly packed circuit board of thoughts and preconceptions of what a semi-proper marriage arrangement should look like. He was prepared to give one to her anyway. From his standards at least. Since he knew she would ask so badly. But his assumptions were misplaced.

Just like his presence in her house, just like the ring in his pocket. He’ll have to carry it back.

Sasuke turns his back to her and opens the door to the busy streets of midday Konohagakure and almost doesn't hear the sound of Sakura’s gentle voice wishing him a good afternoon, drowned out by the streets of his people and the loudness of his thoughts.


	2. The Things I Have Thought, Revisited

The streets seemed busier than ever, and for the first time in a long time he actually felt awareness of people looking at him.

Sasuke tries not to cave with all that is going on, should he ‘lose’ his mind. But he thinks about Sakura and the events that occurred not too long ago.

_“… I will raise the maximum of 3 of your offspring but……..During my pregnancy, I wish to raise them in my private grounds……. whenever I make contact with you, ……..you will contact me prior ……..meet in an area that does not intervene with any of our spaces…..you can come to my appointments ……. be with me in labour …… I’d like to be back on my own, raising the children…… they will be intrusted solely to you and that will be the end of the arrangement……”_

….Arrangement….

It is as if she is still in his head, repeating those words as effortlessly as she first did. And even with his memory clearest, he has little faith that he will ever truly understand what exactly happened. It was all so brief and formal, such like a transaction and not what he had prepared for.

He blames himself for the frame of mind he adopted before meeting her. For the naivety in going against one of his life slogans that; nothing in life comes easy.

_Not even this it seems._

Sakura was supposed to be an independent variable, but he should have known that even that would never stay the same. Especially with all that had happened.

As he continues his slow tread through the village market, he reminds himself that trying to make sense about a situation with thoughts suspended and wandering never did help. So, doing it the only way he knows how, he plots his thoughts as he would a mission.

In his thought process; Sasuke had completed the first stage of his journey to a new life: his period of atonement. To which he has spent roughly 6 months in maximum security.

Next, was his journey of redemption; this entailed leaving the boarders of the place he once loved and hated, and roaming the outside world, not necessarily with a goal in mind (apart from tracing Kaguya’ remnants as he tells others), but if there ever was one, he believes it would be ‘to find himself’.

Also, to find space, from certain places and certain people.

And in a journey where he did not expect much from the outside world, compared to what he would expect from himself, surprisingly (and in part by removing some of his guards), he been given much. Truly, he is grateful for his travels.

He has experienced life to be lived.

He has experienced the joy of companions once more

He had even started to tolerate the presence of women, something he attributes to one former road companion and intimate associate.

Sasuke has learnt the importance of giving and sharing, smiling at the mundane, lending a hand to the weak, and other concepts of a simple life, separated from one driven by hatred. Things that he could not necessarily learn if he stayed entirely in Konoha.

So now, where was he on this map?

He remembers 2 years of travelling and meeting, and eventually Konoha became a familiar place once again. It was when he came back for the second time that he knew he would stay, as a familiar feeling of home filled his spirits in a way that he can only remember from 10 years ago, before he lost all of what was his home.

Some feelings never truly disappear.

But there was much that he wanted to hold on to from those travels on the road. They made him who he was, and that was something he did not want to leave behind for tales and memories. So, every once in a while, he would be in and out, on extensive missions and long-distance travels, sometimes taking a companion or two with him.

In many ways those travels made things easier.

But everything is weighted in gains and losses. As Sasuke would find, there are things in life that he left behind, unaddressed. And while travelling allowed him escape from burdens and commitments, it left things to fester. Such like his relationships, that hung on the threads of each other. He would try to leave these things up to time, but that did not work for all things.

And now it began to matter. Now when Sasuke is growing up and getting older. Now, when he sits at the bar with Naruto, and acknowledges in deep admiration and love, that his friend appreciated by all, will soon be carrying not only the weight of his village, but the weight of his future family.

When Naruto announces Hinata’s pregnancy, it is almost like a trigger for Sasuke, that somehow reminds him of something he promised. Caught up for the past 2-4 years in leaving his burdens by the wayside, he feels as though he forgot the duty that he entrusted upon himself as a child, hardened by revenge.

And after walking Naruto back home to meet an equally tired Hinata (which he properly congratulates,) as the village sleeps that night he sits on the bench near the academy and with a recently reoccurring feeling of satisfaction and peace, he realises that perhaps, starting a family not for his clan, but for himself, is something he would want.

He thinks about that life, of coming home to a family, people to welcome him at the door, people to protect and care for financially and otherwise, and the thought does not seem so bad. To have that personal connection again would be pleasant.

But he knows he is still rough around the edges, and that being a traveler has not changed a whole lot about his interpersonal relationships, even though he has learned to understand and accept people differently. He knows there are still a lot of things to be fixed, a lot of things from trauma that will not heal, things that he does not want to be generational curses for anyone else.

However, if he had the right person to shelter the weight of the unintentional baggage he might lay down, things would be made much easier.

Sasuke finds it almost impossible to believe how it is like clockwork, that he when he thinks about someone to do this, in the back of his mind he knows who it is to be. It just feels right to be Sakura.

Someone who has cared for him in immature and mature ways.

Someone who has been his main petitioner besides Naruto.

Someone whom he has not spoken to in almost 5 months.

Also, that she has not come to mind in a long time until recent- (weeks)-, is to be noted.

He thinks back to those relationship strains with others that he has allowed to fester. The one that existed between him and her was undoubtedly one of the worst.

There were many things between himself and Sakura that he would prefer to leave in the past, and in some ways, Sasuke believed that it is better to do so for the both of them. But now he realised, that has not proved to be entirely wise.

From around the beginning of his consistent presence (post journeys) till now, Sakura has become like a phantom name, to him and many of Konoha.

There was always discussion about her in the market places, of her work with the academy med-nin, her work in the war, sometimes flippant discourse about the growing length of her hair and how her styles changed over time.

There was seeing her developments in the hospital but not _actually seeing_ her.

There was mention of her in meeting with higher ups that she was never truly present for, just her representatives that echoed her written contributions.

Then there were memories; of _actually seeing her,_ like the one day she appeared for a council meeting due to cuts in the hospital budget or something of the sort. That time, he recalls her adamantly putting one of the members in their place, before advising everyone else in the meeting to re-read her proposed budget. Though he cannot recall talking to her much less looking at her (and her at him) during that meeting, he recalls her fire then.

There were memories; of just missing her exit from the Hokage’s office, only by the trace of her shadow before turning the corner, or by the call of her voice saying goodbye to Naruto. It hadn’t changed much from their youth, with only a few hints of age and maturity.

There were also memories; of the last times they truly spoke face to face, and how disagreeable and hostile those meetings were…

_A time he had never recalled being so angry or disgusted at someone … a feeling he had sworn was behind him after his travels…_

He remembers what he told her then, though he tries not to, and to give himself credit, has not thought about it in quite a while.

But now he thinks that perhaps he should have, instead of leaving it up to time. Something that sadly created a greater rift between him and her than there had ever been. They were almost stretched thin.

* * *

On the day that he spoke to her, Sasuke does not know exactly what it was that led him to it.

Be it the fact that it was the second time in three days that he had seen her, or that as of recent, he felt as if she was in lighter spirits (most likely due to the ending of a final hospital building project, one that he learned about through Naruto), but Sakura seemed to be somewhat removed from her normally formal self (at least formal around him, he thinks).

She was more interactive than usual, she even gave a boisterous laugh post meeting with Kakashi, Naruto, and Shikamaru present, (one that he heard upon exit to a mission, much to his irritation).

But things seemed to be looking up for some reason. And with the coming days, he couldn’t help but to think. He wondered foolishly, just for a moment and then a while, what would be the correlation between her current self and the possibility that she was removed from their past?

What was the possibility of them actually talking again?

He doesn’t remember where the sudden urge came from, but one day that week, through the blessing in the form of a private meeting between the head of the survey and infiltration division, the Hokage, and the Medical division, which involved Naruto, Sakura, and Himself alone, he is given an opportunity where it is just the two of them. But one that would soon be gone, as she started to take her leave with a smile and a briefing.

‘Have a good day Sasuke-san, I’ll see you another time.’

At that he finds himself standing immediately, going unnoticed by Sakura who is almost out the door. He sounds out her name loudly.

Sasuke took her turning her head back to him as his final opportunity. He realises in great displeasure that he hasn’t worded what he wanted to say. But this is the only chance to say it.

“Sakura…If possible…can I maybe meet with you to talk about something?...”

It felt like an eternity of space between his request and her response, but when she did respond, it was with a chipped but polite ‘That’s fine, but You’ll need to be quick about what you need Sasuke-san. Unfortunately, I have three meetings remaining and the first has already started without me. I can’t promise any time after this.’

So he blurts it out. ‘I want…well, I’d rather we could talk about this in private but I wanted to know-…

Suddenly he can’t picture himself saying it. He doesn’t know how to.

“Is this about your clan’s restoration?”

…What?

 _What_?

His emotion is painted on his face. “How did you-…yes?”

He can only be grateful for her ability to fill in the gaps, he thinks back to what he knows about her analytic ability, but this was almost beyond reasonable understanding.

“I figured that that was it. It wouldn’t be shocking too, not with Naruto getting his child and all. He is very infectious yknow?’ She even chuckled. “I’ve been receiving recent questions about that from many people.”

“…I see”

“Are you trying to do some genealogy planning? If anything, lady Shizune is the best one for that right now-

**It is Now or Never Again**

“I wanted to know if you would help me.”

“Pardon?”

“…….I want you to help me…with it…”

He says no more, but his eyes look at her in yearning.

He knows he has to speak but his voice is caught in his throat. He doesn’t get this, it is just Sakura, it is not like he has never spoken to her before. Even in the seasons of malice, hatred, disgust, disappointment, **_be it whatever_** , it was _still_ **_just_** Sakura. And for that he has never been stopped by any consideration of her response, but he does not finish what he wants to say. The hollow sound in his ears begin filling the auditorium of silence between them.

 _Please understand-_ He does not think.

He can see the moment that she realises exactly what he means; when her eyes widen slightly and briefly, and she turns to face him fully.

“You want me to help you to restore your clan?”

He is not sure how to say yes, and suddenly the realisation that Naruto or anyone else for that matter could enter the room, their space, is beginning to settle in.

“I... really would prefer if we had this conversation somewhere else.”

“It doesn’t need to be a conversation, I get it.”

……..

“You do?”

“Yes.” She did.

She continues to stare at him expecting him as if waiting for a comment, but at the same time expecting there not to be one. Sakura turns back to the door “Obviously it is something I have to give further thought, but I will let you know when I do. Give me a month.” She is gone before he can say goodbye. _or thank you._

A month later, Sakura was true to her word, and gave him the response he was waiting for.

A response that could potentially shape a new reality, and with this new reality, came a chance for them to start over. Somethings it seemed never changed. And for once, Sasuke was grateful for that fact.

This time he would try to make things right, they would bridge the gaps. If Sakura was going to be the mother of his children, if they were to start a family, they had to fix their friendship first. That part he understood at least.

And if he knew Sakura like the back of his hand, he knew what she felt entitled to. What she felt owed by him. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure the feelings would be mutual, he would give her what she wanted. He would show her he cared. A proposal would sweep her off of her feet; a ring with a pink gem, to match her favorite color.

He made a promise that he would do everything in his power to make it what he could. To show her his gratitude, even if he could not show her his romantic love.

What was broken could be forged, what was torn could be mended. What was lost between them could finally be restored, with the past but a memory.

.

Then she presented that _stupid_ ultimatum.

And he felt as if he fell seven steps back.

The Sakura he thought he knew, had little similarities with the Sakura he met with today.

_that will be the end of the arrangement……_

He never had a preference toward romanticism. But this is far from what he wanted.

Perhaps it was his poor thinking, that he acknowledges that he is not as sure about Sakura that he thought he was. But with all things considered, he can say that he isn’t sure about much things, as everything in life he has thought he would live and die by, were at some points later revisited. So this one, like all the others, he’ll have to re-address later.

As he finally reaches his one-bedroom home near the Uchiha outskirts, he slips off his shoes and falls quietly into his couch, and without much effort, finds himself falling into a a quiet but anxious rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a very terrible habit of trying to draw out a story by posting long winded chapters that only scratch the surface of the plot. Which is why this one took so damn long to write. But I'm slowly getting out of that habit and writing as the inspiration comes! I already know how I want this to end, so its always been a matter of removing myself from the need to overwrite when i'm not bloody good at it XD. 
> 
> Anywhos! I hope y'all liked contemplative Sasuke! Very soon you will get to see the story from Sakura's pov as well! I have to say I'm really happy with this one and how it turned out. I'm trying slowly give hints as to what is happening without speeding up or slowing down the pace that I want the plot to go at, but I'm roughly seeing 8-10 chapters from this. 
> 
> Lemme know in the comments how you guys are feeling! Happy SasuSaku month also!


	3. Those who Grieve..

* * *

I want to make one thing Very clear, this entire chapter is a flashback. Please keep this knowledge in mind.

* * *

It has been a year and change since the tumultuous war. Its’ vestiges remained only within the memories of those left behind; those who grieved. Tenten grieved for her friend, Hinata grieved for cousin; her _brother_ , Ino grieved for her father. On days like this, where she can do nothing to help her fellow Kunoichi, Sakura wonders and laments on whether her suffering was ever to be comparable at all. Her pains, so small and few, compared to the crippling waves in an endless sea of grief, that rolled and crashed upon her friends. The tide it seems, will keep them forever.

No, she is no fool.

Sakura could never understand.

Sakura still has her _parents_. She still has her close _friends_. She has nothing to show for the war but her personal conflicting emotions and private nightmares that she and (everyone else) had to face when she laid her head to rest.

But she has to support in some way. Or the heads will keep turning.

When she steps out chirpily to buy produce. When she laughs at a joke that arises from memory. At the ramen booth when she eats alone, and smiles thinking of Naruto and Hinata.

The whispers will get louder, the comments will get bolder.

“Well you’re cheerier than ever Haruno-san, care to give me some of that joy?”

“You wouldn’t believe she went to war”

“If it’s not too much that I may ask, what part did you play in the battle Ms.Sakura-san?”

_I healed your sons and daughters. I brought your husband back home. Did they not tell you?_

And though she believes they may mean well, when they go home to their private quarters, Sakura hears them; they cry, they _mourn_. There is no way their grief they will remain detached from envy.

In every situation she was always taught to smile, but as she is internalizing and learning all that is interpersonal, she recognises that this is to be done as a collective, as a people. So, if the village mourns, then she too must.

People can truly be selfish, even in grief, especially in grief, at a time where it is darkest.

Even her.

So, she puts on her façade, and even though she hasn’t truly any friends or relatives where she is going, she visits Konoha’s West cemetery on Mondays. And on Wednesdays; the Cemetery to the East. With flowers in hand, she will paint her face grey like everyone else.

______

It is on her Monday visit, she recalls seeing them there. Sasuke and this Kunoichi, who she has swears has heard her name from his lips twice before. Once in a meeting with all department heads, and another at a forced ramen brunch that served only as a failed attempt to bring them together as team 7 again, that time he did not stay long.

Then were whispers, faint gossip in the market place. There was that one delivery mission.

She wonders knowingly; but this must be her.


	4. In the Veil of Flowers

(This chapter is not to be read as a flashback )

* * *

When Sasuke leaves, Sakura releases a breath. Stepping back into the living room and sinking her light body into her sofa-chair, another release of breath is followed by the sounds of the nearby market.

_Deep breath in, one more out._

She would be wrong to say this has not taken some energy from her.

She needs to get away. She decides to go to the one person she knows she can trust to help her do this.

Ino talks and talks and talks and it helps her to forget about everything that does not exist within the flower shop. Here amongst tulips, roses, orchids, she can think. Accompanied with this, the flowers create this covering from the outside world that allows freer flow of thought that puts her heart at rest.

‘These violets are selling rapidly aren’t they?’

‘Not like the chrysanthemums’ Ino gives a sigh ‘And would you imagine the one name that’s coming up for almost every single order?’

Unanimously they breathed ‘Naruto’ before Ino releases a dramatic breath and flops further into her chair. Hair out and clothes dishevelled, Sakura laments that Ino looks like a goddess in any state. Sai got lucky.

‘And would you believe that not even until my _third_ trimester with Inojin, were people congratulating me! And I help them celebrate _all of life’s_ milestones with my beautiful flowers’ her hand laying defeated above her forehead as she laments in faked misery. Sakura rolled her eyes and smiled.

‘Well that’s because you never told anyone and you swore Sai to secrecy for fear of bad omens, hog’

‘…Oh yeah, fair enough’ Her posture shifts and she sits upright, ‘That dummy Naruto! His mouth is too big! Doesn’t he know that speaking about it too soon can be bad for the baby??’

‘Well to be honest, you know how luck and blessings run in his bones’ Sakura chuckled. ‘And besides, I think it’s good that he let the village know, he’s well loved by all and hated by few, those dark omens don’t stand a chance in the face of blessings and well wishes.’

With nothing else to say Ino replies, ‘You, Ms Haruno, are _too_ naïve! Hmph!’

‘I guess’ Sakura looks at a small pot of orchids by the cash register, one that has recently started growing, wondering with hope, what life has in store for it.

‘Well in any case, now that you’re here perhaps you can keep me company with my flower printing, I haven’t had a lot of time to do it in the store, and when I do it at home, Inojin is always trying to eat the leaves…’ Ino states sheepishly and Sakura can’t help but laugh.

She begins to wonder what type of father Naruto was going to be.

Slipping away from the conversation Ino is having, her eyes wander to the window of the quiet store, to look up at the mountain of Leaders; Naruto’s face carved there at last.

Jealousy was a feeling Sakura had become well familiar with over the past months and years, but one that no longer emerges to envelop and bury her spirits. Though feelings of intrigue, in recent times, have been prominent.

Naruto was an impossibly easy person to read, but a harder person to replicate. Whatever magnetic traits passed down through the ages to reach him, was something she wondered about time and time again. He had a way with people that she could only wish she had with those that mattered most. Arguably, the person that made Sasuke who he is today was undoubtedly him. She knew that better than anyone, because she too tried her hardest to do it.

There were days in the past, where the thought of what she and him were and were not would leave her constricted within her minds barriers. Times that she wondered about what she did not have that Naruto easily emitted. What was she missing? What was too much?

She would watch them on a daily basis, easily doing what she could not, smiling with him, being tolerable in his sights, getting him to show his face in public events, and she would wonder. As if by natural selection, Naruto was made for him. It would burn her heart to know that if there ever was anything that Sasuke needed, it would be Naruto and him alone.. along with other few people that she learned he preferred around him.

She chuckles in hindsight though, back then, she had a determination that made evidence and reality second to how she felt. It was something she believed was partially influenced by Naruto, and surely she did everything in her power to be like him in every way, to reach Sasuke, her friend..

…or rather to make them actual friends. Because time told they never truly were.

And as events unfolded, by most of her actions she admitted, Sakura found herself begging the universe for questions and milder judgement, only to have punishment extended.

_‘I don’t want anything to do with you!’_

She acknowledged the things she could have done better, and the effects of the things that she did. She accepted it. It had been a long time since she ever did as she did in the past. It had been a long time since she came to accept or come to terms with what life had in store for her and that situation. Sakura was never one to leave things buried but life had made quick haste with showing her that nothing or no one is ever in her control, a lesson that she has done well to remember since it’s bestowement.

_‘There are somethings that will never go your way.’_

So then what is to be said about this recent situation?

And where did it put them?

Sakura had many questions at the beginning and there was an inclination to understand why what was happening was happening but quickly, she relinquished her desire to know, and many questions have gone unanswered in her mind.

With acceptance, she had learned plenty. There were some things that did not have to be addressed for others to be understood. Sakura has done quite a good work at removing herself from situations that did not concern her and well enough, she understood that Sasuke’s desire to restore his clan had nothing to do with anything that happened between them (good or horrible).

Which, as she lamented, was why she said yes.

By separating who she knew Sasuke to be, many things had become clear over the years that she got older, and what Sakura reasoned was to be merited.

Sasuke, beyond himself, was a child; a blank slate when he was given, by those who should have known better, a personality of malice and hate to adopt for the rest of his life, all due to period of political unrest. His life was chosen before he was given the chance to decide, and it was determined that he was to be the one to clip the loose ends of Konoha’s dirty work. Stretched far with wrath that should not have been his to claim, he did their bidding perfectly, something the village paid for with interest and something he himself had to pay for since his youth.

Though he has never shared with her, she knows the gruesome details that shaped who he once was and still is today in his mind (and the minds of others). Of the countless bodies, crippling screams, while time stayed unmoving, she wondered which memory would’ve kept her up most at night had she been in his shoes. Knowing the both the social and psychological importance of having allegiance and association with a creed, it was hard to fully quantify all that Sasuke had lost.

She had seen war, so she knows the diabolical nature of human emotion and how it drives actions.

What Obito did for Rin, what Madara did for his brother, what the Pain did for Yahiko…

And with introspection she knows that all it takes is one person, one leader, one political opinion, and any clan of Konoha could’ve seen a similar fate of the one that no longer existed.

If preservation of peace and destruction of threat were two sides of the same coin, just how far away were they from the mistakes of their predecessors?

So she sums it up to loose duty and favour; a duty that if bestowed upon anybody in the village who knew the truth and were so willing and capable of fulfilling his wishes, they would do so, for someone who lost everything for the sake of those who live today.

_A clan for a village_

And favour because, well… as much as it was Sasuke, it could have been any one of Konoha’s 11. And if she were him, she would want someone to offer help in this way.

But Sakura is not one to weigh her decisions on one basis or bias. Many factors came into play beyond what the Uchiha were owed. She has had many reasons beyond this;

She knew what _she_ wanted.

Unrelated to everything else came her own desires. Safe to say, experiences had taught her a lot, and there were many few in the village that Sakura, if she had to choose, would wish to start a family with. Not to say she did not want one at all, but war had done a lot to the men of Konoha.

There were some who survived by the hairs of Naruto’s chakra, who boasted to her and others of grandiose achievements in war. She knew better.

Meanwhile, others warped with grief and pain from fighting resurrected demons, had shrivelled into hollows of themselves, and who no manner of treatment and therapy could assist.

Then there were a small few, who still thrived, with good and pure hearts. Those who Sakura knew deserved all the love they could be given, but because of past timing, previous frame of mind, she could not see it and she did not give it. She is profoundly grateful, however, as most found companions of their own who could give them as they needed. Furthermore, by the looks of it, on her end, what time was not spent with them had been spent doing things for the village and doing things for herself.

She had the joys of experiencing companionship with fellow comrades without the attachment of romanticism, and in some instances when those feelings would arise, although rarely, they never took the place of what she shared with those involved.

For a long time, love has not been in her sights, yet she knew of its importance and its different variations. Love was not only in the form of romance, so there was no need to worry herself with the anticipation of marriage, especially if she did not expect to have a family any time soon (if at all) with all things considered.

But that did not mean she would not want children.

Sakura was no stranger to the longing of having something you cherish to take care of, to raise and support as her own. She would even argue that it was in every woman’s blood; the desire to nurture and develop someone; a desire she thinks she heavily involved in her previous attachment to Sasuke.

But with all things considered, with her life being as it is now, her involvement in many of the village’s developments being critical, and her unattachment from past preconceptions and desires, it was becoming something near impossible. Not that it kept her up at night, as she accepted that somethings should be left to the control of whoever and whatever laid charge over their lives, but she would be wrong to say she never thought of it from time to time.

So when Sasuke asked what he did and she put two and two together, she did not turn him away. Over the years, courtesy of her medical background, Sakura became a woman of plan and design. She never did anything out of spontaneity. Everything she did came with reasoning, even if it was not understood by others. She was no fool, Sakura knew what he wanted and what it would imply, she knew the empty spaces that would have been opened up between them. And of course, she thought. For days upon days she thought upon it

_What is he to you?_

_He is someone I understand._

_But if it were for anyone else-_

No, if it were anyone else, she would still do it.

Neither issue of person or reason were too great for her to throw herself off the edge, so she would merely give what she knew she could. And if it be anything, it would be this. Besides, he would have no reason to ask of anything else.

Sakura had her reasoning for making the decisions that she did, and for all the positives this could bring for both individuals in the matter, double were the negatives should things go wrong. But she knew with calculation, in saying yes to Sasuke, it did not mean that she could not present her own terms in the matter.

And somewhere in all of this, she made sure to take both Sasuke and herself into consideration doing them both a favour by making this less emotionally involving for either party. She would give him what he wanted, but she would she make any excuses to be tied to him.

With something like this, she knows they will never need to have that kind of relationship. It is one she no longer wants and one he was never interested in.

There will be no need to address anything that had happened between them, because it would have nothing to do with the part of themselves that they commit to this involvement. This road will never be hard for him nor her again, she would promise it.

But as she lamented, she knew of other factors that she could not control. There would be talk, rumours, some built on truth, others spiralling out of control. She knew what she would be labelled.

_Concubine_

_Dim-whit_

_Pickme_

She knew who would laugh the most and who would pity her.

But she has made strides above and beyond the expectations of others and most importantly herself. She knew who she was and she knew why she did what she did. If the world she lived in counted for anything, it would be to show her that she, just like anyone else, had freedom beyond what anybody defied to do what she thought was best for her. And with that freedom alone, she would be fine. Especially when she had people that made her grow and supported her through all of her journeys. Back in the shop, her gaze falls on her friend and she looks to Ino, leaf in hand and having a conversation that never truly ended.

‘What are you looking at forehead? And why are you smiling?? Is there something on my face?’

Her eyes close and she leans back with a silent chuckle.

‘Nothing idiot’.

…

_Besides_

_…when have people **not** thought?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there again! I just want to say I made progress!!
> 
> Also, I want to take the time out to let you guys know how much STRESS it was for me to find a way to properly introduce Sakura's narrative into TOWOIT (title). I'm hoping that it was well received. I was reading the comments and I understand very well some of the fears that you guys had for Sakura (and still have) so I tried my best to write her in a way that would be reassuring, but still in line with how I want this story to go. Clearly describing her motives was my biggest cncern, because I did not want to have anyone misinterpret them, so you are free so express your feelings in the comments! And for those that are still fearful, I just want you to rest assured that I know what i'm doing and I will try my best not to let down! :D
> 
> Also, Also, I looked up the type of flowers that people use to send well wishes for babies, so believe me when I say that i do not even know how to pronounce the Chrysrueahewgdgw flower :( (I'm learning though).
> 
> Lastlyyy, Gosh I need a flower shop.
> 
> Hit ya girl up in da comments!


	5. Those who Grieve are Loved

This chapter is to be read as a flashback and a continuation from chapter 3 but it is to be read after chapter 4 (so exactly how it is posted)

* * *

.

They do not see her as they appear to be a few rows ahead, and Sasuke who should have been able to detect her is seemingly deep in thought. But she notices where they are standing and immediately feels as if she is intruding.

It is as if the entire cemetery now belongs to them, as Sasuke looks to his brethren, as she stands silently beside him.

She is stuck in alarm, but it is when Sasuke begins to kneel that immediately she feels similar to how she would in an enemy’s territory, and with stealth she slowly lowers her chakra’s signatures and disappears before her feet can create friction on the ground beneath her.

Her heart is galloping. Heading to the nearest isolated space, she ends up near a small creak behind the cemetery.

_Hold on to something, hold on to something!_

Her hand is in the stream before her command and she has a pebble in her sights but grasping at it frantically, it slips away and is carried by the light current. The mud at her fingertips also slowly running the water brown before redepositing on the river’s bed. Yet she still tries to grip.-

_Everything slips away from you. Everything frees itself from your grasps!_

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She should have stayed home. She had _no right_ to be at the cemetery, especially not at _that_ section. She should have _known_. Who did she have to grieve in that area?

But if I do not go, people will talk-

_So what? Not everything is about how you feel._

‘But then, if that were true, nothing would truly matter…’ she tells herself

_He definitely detected you._

_You should **not** have been there._

Suddenly her senses have heightened to extremes and she is looking behind, above, below, for anyone in the vicinity. She realises that needs to be further away from everyone and everything. She does not belong anywhere near here.

__

When Ino opens the door it is with a state of confusion because Sakura is balling her eyes out and holding her stomach, and Ino expects the worst because she has never seen Sakura in this state in all of her life. Thoughts rapidly set-off in her mind, of ways to get Sakura to calm down but then Sakura blurts out, with mucus falling from her nose.

'Am- Am I selfish b-because I d-don’t want to g-go the cemetery?'

Ino just stares at her, she does not ask her to repeat anything because she heard her loud and clear. Unknowingly the tears are falling before she can feel them underneath her eyelids.

‘Dammit forehead…this was…this was supposed to be my good day…’

In a great horror, Sakura realises that she has done greater bad than good in such short time, because she had no business being here either. There was no way to walk back from this and she begins to summon some sort of apology, but then she is enveloped in a hug.

'You really are stupid, I never knew that that was some sort of competition.'

Smothered in her friends breast her voice is muffled.

'B-But I n-never g-go with you…. o-or anyone and i-

'I never asked you to!'

'I k-know, I-I _know_ , b-but I _s-should’ve_ , and I- …w-well…I n-never of-ffered m-myself up-

'You are such a fool' and with the resolve that Sakura hears in Ino’s voice she has to pull away and look at her and Ino could not be more grateful for the timing because her eyes are burning with sadness, but _not betrayal,_ and she needed Sakura to see the difference.

‘Sakura, what were we taught?’ she paused but not for an answer ‘The academy taught us to let people grieve alone. As ninja, this has been engrained in all of us, regardless of what normal civilians _think_.’ Ino let’s out a sigh ‘I know why you cut your hair, …I also know why you started buying flowers more often.’

Sakura looks down at the ground.

‘Look, I don’t want to you do any grieving for me. I just want you to keep giving me your support in the best way you know how and that is by just being my best friend.’

'I….I’m s-sorry…’

‘you do not belong at the cemetery’

_Because it isn’t about you_

‘I…I know-

Her head held tightly in the hands of her friend.

' _No._ You do not belong at the cemetery because I am right here. Naruto is right here, Kakashi, your parents, your patients, _all_ that you love is right here. You would do well to cherish us all.’

And Sakura _understood_. With loosened breath and an emotion she only recognised to be relief, Sakura in that moment understood the true meaning of grief and what it meant as an individual action rather than a collective title.

In that living room Sakura clung to Ino and sobbed, and when Ino’s mother came downstairs to see her two daughters on the floor clinging to each other, she hugged them both, silent tears dripping lightly on to their foreheads.

To Grieve, was to _cherish_.

__

A while after that incident, regardless of who cared or did not care, Sakura no longer cut her hair. It grew and flowed down to her back, and the flowers that waited to be laid on tombs, were placed as crowns on a living thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BALLED my eyes out in writing this chapter. It should be noted that I wrote both flash backs as a whole, but I felt it would be better to split them into separate chapters for lots of reasons. Lemme know how you felt about that. Also bare in mind that this is a flashback, so this is a younger Sakura but still post war. The clear timelines will be integrated into the fic soon.  
> And yes, I know there are mentions of people we do not know, but don't feel confused! Time will come soon!
> 
> This chapter really hit home to me because I feel as though Sakura was one of the few who didn't truly 'loose' anyone through death in the war. And one of the funny things I've learned with grief is that those who are not at the center sometimes feel guilt for either crying, and in Sakura's case not crying/ mourning. The importance of this chapter was to show that grief should never be trivialized, nor should it impart on an individual, a need to feel guilt for loss or not losing anything. So though it is good and needed to show others that you support them in their grief, it is equally critical that you be honest with your own feelings. So cry if you want, or don't.
> 
> The title is taken from Bleach's 4th Squad who's slogan is 'Those who grieve are Loved', and it means exactly that :)
> 
> Also, Ino is such a great friend! I love her to death!
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments so far! I'm enjoying reading them! I look forward to further critique!

**Author's Note:**

> Ya know what I hate? SasuSaku fanfictions where we miss the entire part of sasuke actually asking for forgiveness before the reconciliation and start of the romance. So on MY PLANET, we do it differently.
> 
> I have come across many SxS fanfictions in my lifetime. In many ways I have fallen in love again and again with some after each read. But also in many ways I remain in yearning of what I think the SasuSaku relationship is missing sometimes. Yes I believe bonds which transcend communication of "I'm sorry's" are important. But in some instances I find Sasuke and Sakura to require acts of repentance and acts of growth and recognition. For me, if I am unable to witness this, Sasuke remains unable to love Sakura properly (if not wholly, which I do not expect) and Sakura remains fixed in a childish fantasy of Sasuke. (which neither Naruto and Boruto truly lend a hand is helping. Nevertheless both series are to be held with respects)
> 
> However, let this not be a discredit to all of the beautiful writers that have inspired many to enter the SasuSaku community with different ranges and approaches to writing for the SasuSaku Dynamic. I am in no way, a great writer, and will not even compare myself to anyone who writes within the community. But hopefully I wish to impress upon others inspiration to further the SasuSaku community and any other community, like these individuals have done with their unique imagination.
> 
> With that I would like to say thank to writers like DeepPoeticGirl (AO3), Letmeannoyyoutoday (fanfiction), Leanne Ash (fanfiction), andiehardy (fanfiction), K-chu (fanfiction), and Elligiesforshiva (AO3). I could only wish to be as incredible as you all.
> 
> Also note: The site attachments are just where I know these writers from, and not necessarily the only sites that they are based. Also if anyone knows how get into contact with them on any media platform, please let them know of my gratitude!
> 
> Reviews and critiques are greatly accepted! Till next chapter!


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